A new baby

It has been a rough couple of months since Griffin's birth. Nothing out of the ordinary I imagine, but still much different than I expected. I must note that all my reading and the advice of parents around me warned that things would be crazy, but until you've lived through the "4th trimester" as my Doctor called it, you really won't know what to expect!

To start with, for the first 2 weeks after we came home from the hospital Griffin would not sleep unless he was lying on someone. This meant that we would take shifts throughout the night sitting in the recliner with Griffin nestled next to our tummy on our lap. At first I thought it was sweet that he needed us so much; that he was so utterly dependent on us for everything - even sleep. But after a couple of weeks of sleep in 1 and 2 hour increments, the novelty wore off.

Then Griffin started suffering from colic (actually we all suffered from his colic). The incessant screaming was the worst - and not because I dislike a screaming baby, but because Griffin was obviously crying in pain and there was nothing I could do about it. I felt inadequate and powerless to help my tiny child, as well as overwhelmed, unsure, and terrified that I would some how break my baby. I am told that much of my feelings were normal first-time-parent responses, but that is small comfort when you're unable to sleep because of the fear that SIDS will claim your child, or after several days of nursing your baby every 2 hours or less. One of the only things that gave me comfort during the 3 crazy months postpartum was the reminder that nothing lasts forever. Now with the benefit of hindsight, and all the things we tried and learned during those months, I can understand why people say the next child will be easier... I can hardly imagine it being worse! (And now I have probably jinxed myself!)


It wasn't all screaming and sleepless nights though. Griffin did learn to smile very early on. At 4 weeks I began to see him smile, though I thought perhaps it was a grimace. But by 5 weeks it was obvious he was smiling, and those smiles couldn't have come sooner. His cute grin helped me keep my sanity! After a long day of constantly holding, rocking, and consoling my screaming little cherub, a smile would dance across his face and erase all my sorrow and frustration. His smiles gave me a glimpse of happier times in our future, and boy, was that glimpse sweet!


We also got to experience our baby's first surgery at 6 weeks of age - so much fun! (That was sarcasm if you couldn't tell.) One day during a diaper change I noticed a bump above Griffin's genitals that looked suspiciously like a hernia. Turns out it was an inguinal hernia which is very common in boys of all ages and specifically in babies (as if that fact makes it any easier for a new mom to deal with, ya know?). A few days after the diagnosis I carried my little baby boy back through the doors of the hospital where he was born so that he could undergo surgery. This surgery is very common, however with all surgeries there are always risks; some due to anesthesia, and in this case the surgeon had to be very sure not to nick any of the tiny veins & tubes otherwise poor Griffin might loose one or both of his testes (and before he could even use them!). But the surgeon did great and everything remained intact for use on a later day.

Griffin's surgery recovery was quick, but I have to admit that we secretly hoped his hernia was what caused him to scream all the time, not the ambiguous "colic." But alas, after a few days post-surgery his fussy-scream sessions continued. We asked the doctor about reflux, allergies, food intolerance - anything that could cause his pain and could be cured or managed! Unfortunately for Griffin, what was ailing him could not be cured with medicine (even Mylicon did nothing to help him), only time.

And now it appears time has worked her lovely magic! Babies usually grow out of colic between 3 and 4 months, and we have noticed steady improvement since the 3-month mark. Griffin is now 4 months old, and it's amazing the transformation and his happy demeanor. We no longer "swaddle & soothe" (from Dr. Harvey Karp's "Happiest Baby on the Block" - which helped out immensely. I cringe to imagine what it would have been like without the 5 S's!) and Griffin hasn't had a melt-down in several weeks! It's like he's a different baby. He's curious (though he was like that from the beginning), but now he spends much of his time playing in his play gym, bouncer, or on the couch with me and his soft blocks. He entertains himself during part of his awake time, and I fill the rest with dance sessions, standing practice, fly lessons and kiss-fests!

A friend asked me if I was falling more and more in love with my child everyday, and even during the rough, scream-filled days the answer is yes. Most definitely, yes! I thought I knew what it was to love. I love my husband passionately, my family completely, and my friends gratefully. But never have I loved someone the way I love my child. Even in utero I knew my love for my baby was different than any other I had experienced before, but I did not imagine that it would grow deeper and more tender with each passing day. So far, that is the greatest reward of parenthood; a love like no other. A love that surprises, envelopes and sustains you even in the darkest hour. Love that is truly amazing.